I’m so over the news. I mean, really. The oil spill is over – we hope! So, I changed the channel to the Food Network. It’s 7 a.m. Mountain Time and apparently cooking shows give way to infomercials at this time in the morning.

There’s Cindy Crawford pitching her miracle melon mush. It looks like the stuff really works. <cough> She’s still as gorgeous as ever. <tough in cheek> I’m certain that if I use this miracle melon mush I, too, could look like her. Brouhahahaha. C’mon! Who is she trying to kid? Like she hasn’t had plastic surgery to tighten stuff up?

Oh wait, here’s an authoritative doctor with a hypnotic French accent explaining it all. Oooooh, and they get the miracle melon’s from the beautiful south of France! Of course, where ELSE would they grow? It’s just the icing on the cake. You can get “Meaningful Beauty” (O.M.G.) for just $60. No, wait! It’s only $40 for the customers who call in the next 14 minutes! O.M.G.! What are you waiting for?

OK. I’m done making fun of Cindy Crawford’s infomercial. The girl’s gotta make a living now that her modeling days are over. And I’ve no doubt that it just might work, even a little.

So WHAT? I ask you? What I really want to know is … What the HELL is wrong with wrinkles? What is wrong with looking your age?

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