I’m so over the news. I mean, really. The oil spill is over – we hope! So, I changed the channel to the Food Network. It’s 7 a.m. Mountain Time and apparently cooking shows give way to infomercials at this time in the morning.

There’s Cindy Crawford pitching her miracle melon mush. It looks like the stuff really works. <cough> She’s still as gorgeous as ever. <tough in cheek> I’m certain that if I use this miracle melon mush I, too, could look like her. Brouhahahaha. C’mon! Who is she trying to kid? Like she hasn’t had plastic surgery to tighten stuff up?

Oh wait, here’s an authoritative doctor with a hypnotic French accent explaining it all. Oooooh, and they get the miracle melon’s from the beautiful south of France! Of course, where ELSE would they grow? It’s just the icing on the cake. You can get “Meaningful Beauty” (O.M.G.) for just $60. No, wait! It’s only $40 for the customers who call in the next 14 minutes! O.M.G.! What are you waiting for?

OK. I’m done making fun of Cindy Crawford’s infomercial. The girl’s gotta make a living now that her modeling days are over. And I’ve no doubt that it just might work, even a little.

So WHAT? I ask you? What I really want to know is … What the HELL is wrong with wrinkles? What is wrong with looking your age?

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Fear of Stairs

May 12, 2010

While I’ve always been on the heavier side of normal, I haven’t always been fat. Not fat like this. And while I’ve always had bad balance, now it’s atrocious. So much so that I go down stairs one foot at a time.
Well, add in bad vision and glasses that glare as well as distort distances, [...]

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Riding A Bus

May 11, 2010

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Dreading Mother’s Day

May 9, 2010

I come from a long line of bad mothers.

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4 Day Body Makeover Disaster

April 10, 2010
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I spent another $300 at the grocery store two days  for the Six Week Body Makeover diet. All the food is gone and I’m done. Can’t do it for six weeks. Can’t afford it.And I can’t force myself to eat so much, so often.
Time to pack it up and send it back. Husband doubts I’ll [...]

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Salt. It’s More Than Just a Seasoning

April 7, 2010
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OK. You have to picture this. If you want to get a great image and laugh your ass off, clear your mind of everything else and let it imagine.
There’s a middle aged fat couple sleeping peacefully in their queen sized bed. The wife has a pile of covers on her, because she’s always cold. She’s [...]

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I F*cking HATE Ahi Tuna!

April 6, 2010
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Oh.
My.
God.
The first day on the Six Week Body Makeover was just horrible. HORRIBLE! Forcing myself to eat every two hours is much more difficult than I had anticipated.
By lunch, I was gagging on the Ahi tuna. It was literally sticking in my throat and wouldn’t go down. I skipped the forth “meal” and ate very [...]

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Food Bill is Through the ROOF!

April 4, 2010
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Six Week Body Makeover: Prepping for Day 1 – Holy crap!
The Six Week Body Makeover is freaking expensive!
I spent $400 on nothing but lean meats and veggies — organic lean meats and veggies.
We’re not exactly great cooks, you know. But, hubby has seared some Ahi tuna. I love Ahi tuna! It’s going to be our [...]

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It’s A Start, Right?

March 28, 2010
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I didn’t put sugar in my coffee today. That’s about as far along on the Six Week Body Makeover that I’ve gotten.
I watched the Start Here DVD and put together my little notebook thingy with my personalized menu and body type, etc. I couldn’t help feeling that all that was a bit gimmicky. I don’t [...]

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