OK. You have to picture this. If you want to get a great image and laugh your ass off, clear your mind of everything else and let it imagine.
There’s a middle aged fat couple sleeping peacefully in their queen sized bed. The wife has a pile of covers on her, because she’s always cold. She’s always cold because her thyroid is dead — but that’s another story for a different set of posts. This post is about the importance of salt to the human body.
Back to building the image in your head. The husband wears a ridiculous looking head apparatus that provides oxygen to help him breathe through his sleep apnea. At 3 a.m., clad only in his underwear, said husband leaps straight up out of bed from a dead sleep.
“Aaaahhh!” he yells. The sleep apparatus still on, he jumps up and down shaking both his legs, one at a time.
While his wife barely opens an eyelid during her REM sleep, both of the husband’s legs are cramping severely from the tips of his toes to his tops of his thighs. Still hopping frantically, he takes off the breathing apparatus and goes downstairs in an attempt to walk it off. His wife is still deep in unconscious sleep. She rolls over to an even deeper blissful sleep. She’ll have a vague recollection of all this in the morning.
The husband is somewhat of a hypochondriac, especially when it comes to painful ailments. Both legs cramping must surely be a symptom of something horrid. He logs on to the computer, googled and types in “cause of severe leg cramps.”
Just as he suspected! It’s all his wife’s fault. God-damned stupid, no salt diet!
Remember the Six Week Body Makeover Program we’d started just a day ago? It’s not a low salt diet. Oh no. It’s a NO salt diet. It restricts added to salt to na-da. As the husband learned through his pain, it turns out that table salt with its added iodine is key to muscular health.
He logs off the computer, walks into the kitchen and fills a glass with water, shakes some salt into it and drinks. Within minutes the cramps are gone.
Strike one against the Six Week Body Makeover Program and the crazy fat wife.
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