Fat people like me cannot just nonchalantly browse weight loss literature, books, programs or DVDs. Nope. We have to plan. There is always a bold circle on the calendar setting aside the appropriate amount of time and a psychological psych up to the grand event of settling in for what is certain to be a life changing message … we hope. My time for this was this past weekend.
I did all the housework. Well, OK, not all the housework, but enough so that I wouldn’t feel guilty sitting on my fat ass to watch TV. And, I guess I was trying to procrastinate just a little longer. Watching the DVD means getting started on yet another flippin’ diet and there’s a yin and yang to that. On one hand, hope really does spring eternal. “This one is going to work. They SAID it would on infomercial! Money back guarantee, remember!” the yin says. “Right,” laughs the yang, “you just wasted another hundred bucks on bullshit! Hahahaha,” he keeps laughing.
Anyway, the yin in me knows that I only have a short window for the money back guarantee. The last thing I need stuffed in my closets is another program, book, DVD or recipe system that doesn’t work. (Shut up, YANG!) So, I’m determined to test this baby before the guarantee runs out.
Finally, the boxes move from the hearth to the coffee table. But, wait! I need provisions!
Pour myself a cup of coffee? Check.
Grab a notepad and pen? Check.
Go pee so as not to be interrupted by my bladder? Check.
Time to pop in the “start here” DVD.
Shut up, YANG!
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